Guided, with three lines to take with you. Music underneath
I have never met an angry person who did not care deeply about something. Even if it is only a parking space.
About 10 minutes with Steven Webb's calm voice.
There is what happens, then a gap, then what you do. Reacting skips the gap. Responding uses it. You go back to a time you snapped and notice there was no gap at all, then run it again with one in there. Three lines to leave with, and you are not asked to remember them. The body will.
Treat me to a coffee, keep the podcast free, and get my Weekly Calm every Sunday. It is all on stevenwebb.uk
Thank you for sitting with me.
Steven
Who this is for
You snapped. Maybe at the children, maybe at a driver, maybe at somebody in a supermarket queue who did not deserve it. Three hours later the wiser version of you turned up with exactly the right words, which is a wonderful trick and completely useless.
The wiser version was there the whole time. It just never got a gap to speak in.
This is for anybody who keeps regretting the first thing out of their mouth. It is not for getting rid of the anger. I do not think you should.
What happens in this meditation
We relax the body first, because the mind goes quieter when the body does and it is far easier that way round.
Then we slow one moment down. You go back to a time you reacted fast and watch it from the outside, and you see there was no space at all between the thing happening and your answer. Then you run it again with a gap in it.
I leave you with three lines. You are not asked to memorise them. The body does that part.
How to get the most from it
Ten minutes, so headphones are worth having if there is noise around you.
The moment you pick matters more than anything else here. Choose one you actually regret, not the one where you were right. Being right is not the subject.
Do not measure it by whether you never snap again. You will. If it buys you the gap once, in one moment, that is the whole thing working.
Questions people ask
Is this about not getting angry?
No. Anger is information, and I would not want you without it. This is about the two seconds after it arrives.
What if I cannot think of a time I reacted badly?
Try smaller. Going quiet and dismissing somebody is a reaction too, and it is the one most of us miss in ourselves.
Can I do this in the morning?
You can, but it lands harder soon after the event, while you can still remember what your shoulders did.
Read along
The transcript
It follows the audio. Press any line to jump there.
anger · mindfulness · compassion
Read the transcript
Hi, I'm Steven Webb and welcome to a little meditation to help you create a little space between
when things arise and we react and then sometimes we regret what we do or say.
As we settle in, just become comfortable.
It doesn't matter if you're sat down or lying down at a kitchen chair. Just allow your body to become
relaxed and alert.
Allow your breath to be what it is. Your body knows how to breathe.
And as we allow the shoulders allow the face to relax,
allow the rest of the body to relax.
And yes, even our ears and our nose. We can even allow our eyes to relax.
And
our knees, fingers.
And notice when the body relaxes, the mind also goes a little quieter.
The mind doesn't have to stay quite so on alert.
So just while we're still settling in,
just anger and frustration and sometimes we
try to get rid of these feelings because they feel quite uncomfortable. But
I've never met an angry person that doesn't care deeply. It may not be the same thing that you or
I care about. It may be just a simple car park space.
But for some reason, deep down, it's something they care about. And
very often when we go deeper into caring is something that from our childhood or younger.
But the most important thing is anger and frustration always come from a place of deep caring
somewhere. And it's guiding us. It's guiding us from more hurt. It's
guiding us with fear and feeling unseen. It could be any of these. And
just bringing it to our awareness. Allowing us to feel the anger. But bringing the anger into our awareness,
sometimes
we can react with more wisdom and courage because we all have the wisdom and courage because we all look
up three hours later and say, I wish I had said something different I wish I hadn't said that. So
we have it in us but we don't very often have the space between what's arising and the best way
to respond.
And this meditation is just gonna Slow it down a little bit and recognise that there's three
parts. There's what's arising and
there's a small gap.
And then how we react or respond.
Reacting means we don't think. It's just a reaction. Responding is
something we think about and consider.
So think back to a recent time where you reacted quite quickly and you said something or...
You shouted or you reacted in some other way. Perhaps you went quiet and dismissed it.
And just consider how you felt.
And we've just been aware of the event and we're almost like looking at it from the outside as an
observer.
And then think back to how you reacted and how little space there was between
when it arose and
how you reacted to it.
You'll notice there was virtually no space whatsoever.
Now consider staying quiet and just having that little pause a little
bit of space.
And then imagine responding from your deeper, wiser self.
What would you have done different? What would you have said different?
How would you have felt when you responded differently?
And that's why I say... You and me and everybody has a deeper,
courageous, wise self inside that
very often gets hidden in the reaction. It just doesn't get a chance.
And I know in this meditation alone we're not going to fix every reaction coming up in future. If
it manages to just catch one then in that moment you're enlightened. I
don't think there's ever any... Part that you'll get to a point that you'll never react again. I don't think
that's realistic.
But we can sit on the outside and recognise that if only we had that little bit of space.
And I offer these three
mantras or sayings or just feelings to feel throughout your body that may help with this just a little.
You're not expected to remember them. The body and the mind will remember them.
So may this feeling be allowed to be here.
May this feeling be allowed to be here.
May I see the space between what's arising and how I respond.
May I see the space between what's arising and how I respond.
And may I recognise anger comes from a place of caring and I can respond with courage
and wisdom.
And may I recognise anger comes from a place of caring and I can respond with courage
and wisdom.
So just before we come back to the awareness of the room and we end this meditation, I
just want you to recognise how it feels to recognise you have got a wiser, deeper self inside and
how responding from that just slightly more often. Whether it's at work or whether it's with
the children or
whether it's to a driver while you're driving or anything really. Could be in a supermarket queue. Just
responding with that wiser self. How
that would feel.
And then we don't go through the cycle of suffering.
So in a moment I'm going to count back from five.
So five, just become aware of the room. Four, become aware of your breath.
Three, just gently open your eyes if you've got them closed two shake out your arms, wiggle your fingers and
toes. And
yeah, just take a deeper breath and perhaps smile and We just laugh now about all the time to re-reacted
Nothing you can do about any of them. But realise that you have this wisdom deep inside of you to
be able to respond.
I want to say thank you for sitting with me today. It does mean a lot. Thank
you for listening on Inner Peace Meditation. These
are brought to you completely free by people who donate just to coffee. And I do have another
podcast called Stillness in the Storms. And that just helps you through difficult times. And if you'd like to either
support or the link to that free podcast as well, just go to StevenWebb.uk. And please also
message me if you've got an idea for a meditation. Take care. See you next time. Bye for
