When you know exactly what you should be doing and are not doing it
Position
Sitting or lying down
Style
Guided, watching yourself from outside. Music underneath
We give better advice to other people than we ever give ourselves. Twelve minutes of turning that round.
About 12 minutes with Steven Webb's calm voice.
You zoom out and watch yourself go about the day. The scrolling, the food, the thing you do to avoid thinking. You watch as a kind parent would, not a critical one. Then you pick one thing, only one, that you would gently suggest. We already know what to do. We have read the book. We just sit back and do not do it.
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Thank you for sitting with me.
Steven
Who this is for
We give better advice to other people than we ever give ourselves. Somebody comes to us with a problem and we know what to say. Turn it round and we go blank.
This is twelve minutes of being your own wise parent. Not the critic. The other one.
What happens in this meditation
You settle, then zoom out and watch yourself going about today. How you spend the time, how you treat the body, whether you are kind to your own mind.
Then you pick one thing you actually do. The scrolling. The food. The thing you do so you do not have to sit alone with your own head.
You watch it as a loving parent would rather than a critical one, without stepping in, just to see where help would fit. Then one suggestion. Only one. Turn the television off now. Read a bit more of the book.
Then you imagine carrying that one change forward a week, and what the week looks like on the other side.
How to get the most from it
Twelve minutes, and pick something honest rather than something safe. The thing you would not want to admit to is the one worth looking at.
One change only. That is deliberate. A list is how this stops working.
Then use it during the day as a question. If I had a wise, loving parent, what would they say to me right now?
Questions people ask
What if my own parents were not a good model?
Then do not use them. Not the parent you had, and not the harsh voice either. The one you would want for somebody you loved.
Why does it have to be only one thing?
Because you already know all of it. You have read the book and had the advice. What is missing is not information, it is one small thing actually done.
Is this the same as being hard on myself?
The opposite, and that is the whole point of the parent framing. There is no judging in it, and if it starts to feel like telling yourself off, you have slipped into the critic.
Read along
The transcript
It follows the audio. Press any line to jump there.
inner-child · self-compassion · healing
Read the transcript
Welcome to parenting ourselves with wisdom and kindness.
This is a little meditation where we can zoom out from our lives and we can be that wise parent
that just gives us that little bit of advice we could do with occasionally
when somebody else comes to us with a few issues in their lives. We sit down and we go, do
you know what? This is what I would do.
So begin by just allowing your body to become comfortable.
Allow your shoulders to relax.
And become aware of your breath.
You don't need to do anything with your breath.
Your body knows how to breathe.
You don't have to do anything with your shoulders or arms.
Only your body. Your body knows how to relax.
You've just got to allow it to happen.
Just like you allow this moment to be what it is.
You may notice your breath becomes slightly slower.
Your body becomes more relaxed. And
your mind becomes more open and quiet. It
all happens just if you allow it to happen. Breathing in calm. Breathing out relax
Breathing in calm. Breathing out relax
And if there is any little pockets of tension, anywhere from the top of your head right down to your
toes,
just recognise it and then allow it to relax. Allow
it to soften.
Then bring your awareness back to your breath.
You're breathing in
And you're breathing out.
And if at any time you get distracted in this meditation, that's fine. Just smile and bring it back to
the breath.
And the next instruction, you may miss something and that's okay.
So just imagine zooming out on your life.
Seeing what you've done today or what you've done this morning. As
if you're just observing and watching it.
It could be as a parent or a coach or just a friend.
And just see yourself going about your business and what you normally do.
How do you spend your time?
How do you treat your body?
Are you being kind to your mind?
And just pause to see how you're doing and what you're doing on a daily basis.
I would like you to pick on something in particular that you normally do. It may be to waste time.
It may be scrolling on your phone or watching Youtube clips.
Or it may be something to your body, the way you're eating something that's not quite healthy.
Or maybe doing something to avoid thinking.
Whether it's drinking or anything just to avoid the
sitting here being alone with your mind. Pick
one of those things and just really watch.
And now imagine yourself watching as a loving parent.
You're not going to intervene for a minute, you're just watching.
You're observing to get the best way in which you might be able to help.
It's not to be critical or harsh. You're
there to be kind and supportive.
And what one thing would you advise yourself to do differently? What
one thing can you mention or bring up?
What one thing can you do differently that would really make a difference to your life?
It's not to judge or say you're doing anything wrong. It's just to go as a wise parent and
a loving parent just to, well perhaps we can do this something a little different.
Perhaps we can turn the Tv off now or turn it off more regularly. Perhaps we could read a bit
more of the book or eat a little less when
it comes to the nice things that we're eating.
And now just imagine what it would be like for you to carry that food to the future if
you did this one thing different every day that
the parent within you is encouraging you to do. What
if you just change that one thing every day? How much different would your life look in a week or
two weeks?
That kind, loving encouragement.
And just bring it back to your breath now and this moment.
And put that wise parent within you as well and that child and that you. And you're all
part of the one. And
just imagine looking
at your life occasionally during the day, just stepping back and going, what would the parent do now?
If I had a wise, loving parent, what would they advise me now?
And this is how we can make little changes in our lives. We have all the wisdom. We have all
the knowledge. We know what we should be doing. We've
already read that book. We've already got the advice. We already know exactly what we need to do. But
yet we sit back and we very often just don't do it because we just haven't got that structure. Or
we fear doing it for some reason
when we just allow this moment to be what it is and we look upon what we do on a
daily basis from the parent's eyes, from the parent's wisdom,
we can then change how we do a few things.
And if you imagine it now as part of your everyday life, how
does it feel to live with this shift?
So in a moment I'm going to come back from five.
But just before we return, just really appreciate your body and appreciate this moment.
And just thank yourself for opening up and being vulnerable.
We're just going to return to the room and return to this moment.
Five, four, gently open your eyes. Three, just shake out your arms, wiggle your fingers
and toes. Two, look around the room and just imagine your life now as integrating that wise
parent
tells you at 11 o'clock in the evening, just turn the Tv off. Or just read a bit more of
that book. Just like you would your younger self. Let's read a couple more pages sending
those small little changes. We know what we should be doing. But we don't very often get out of our
own way. We don't very often see it from the outside. We don't have to wait till the consequences are
too late, too many late nights watching Tv or too many hours doom scrolling. And
I'm guilty of these things. And this is why this has come up for me and I thought what a
wonderful thing to do. Just be a wise parent to ourselves.
So thank you. Thank you for your support. And I really do appreciate you've been part of this journey.
You can find all my links and you can donate and help at StevenWebb.uk. Thank
